What The Fat?!

The Big Eat: SF – The Front Porch

so 7×7 posted this list of 100 things to eat and drink before you die.

and being the HEFFER that i am, i went thru the list and surprisingly, i havent heard of over half of these. so along with my fellow heffers, Abi and Queenie, we have decided to eat our way thru San Francisco and this list.

i will be documenting my foodgasms here, but we have started a blog dedicated to our foodventures… WTFat.

and although we’ve already tried a few of these things (which will be blogged later), i thought i’d start off with something that i had last weekend.

From the List – spicy crab and grits from The Front Porch

The Hype – prior to reading this list, the “soul food” restaurants that my friends swore by were 1) Hard Knox and 2) Farmer Browns. so naturally i start asking around, and lo and behold, i only find ONE person who’s heard of it…. and even though i trust my cousin Tamara’s judgement wholeheartedly, i was still a little suspect. so i yelp that bitch and there were adjectives like “fantastic” and “amazing” and thats really all i needed to hear.

The Review – this place actually has a front porch. lol. its small and quaint and just my type. the menu got me wide eyed and i was hella hungry already so me and queenie got straight to ordering.

Spicy Crab and Grits has changed to Spicy Shrimp and Grits. wah. but we ordered it anyways and we werent disappointed. cheesy grits were anything short of boring and the shrimp was cooked to perfection. and i was pleasantly surprised when i unknowingly bit into a piece of BACON. cuz bacon makes everything better! lol. grits

We also had the Fried Green Tomatos (crackin!), the mac and cheese (so good we ordered 2), maduros, steak fries, and the mashed potatoes. But the entree that made my fucking night had to have been the Bucked of Fried Chicken! my hubby is a fried chicken master and even he said it was the best fried chicken he’s ever had! crispy and perfectly seasoned on the outside, juicy and plump on the inside… this bucket stood NO CHANCE.


The Verdict – GO HERE. the end.


How to stalk the infamous Korean taco truck

Step one: Find them on Twitter http://twitter.com/kogibbq

Step two: Get there BEFORE they arrive at said location

Step three: Do nervous dance of anticipation

Step four: Upon initial sighting of truck, do a more complex dance of hungry happiness

 The line

Step five: Pass the time in the Magic Mountain style line by talking about every drug you’ve experimented with under the sun (TRUST. It helps pass the time.)

Step six: Order 4 short rib tacos and 2 kimchi quesadilla (not on menu)

What will you have?

Step seven: Digest happily, preferably in a gutter nearby, but out of sight of others. Guard your food with your life!!

Beef taco goodness

Step eight: Call other people, brag to them, insult their mothers, and hang up the phone

We heart Kogi!




can i just say.. WOW.  yesterday was absolutely-positively-gloriously gluttonous.   i met up with my best girlfriends for the BEST FOOD TOUR ever.   seriously, you’ll gain 5 lbs just reading this post.   

for brunch, we thought we’d stray from our usual (Stacks or Millbrae Pancake House) and hit up Peter’s Cafe in Millbrae.     

we feelin hella hawaii right now since we just got our tickets to the rock, and we just couldnt fight the feeling.  


Hawaiian Ribs and eggs


Spam Omelette

Spam Omelette


loco fuckin moco

loco fuckin moco


eggs benedict

eggs benedict

the special over here is this German Baby Pancake which takes 30 min to cook so we thought wed try the cinnamon apple one.. 


that thing was huuuuuge (thats what she said)

that thing was huuuuuge (thats what she said)

we then headed over to the mall for some froyo at planet yogurt.  Adonis LOVED IT! 


watermelon and mango son!

watermelon and mango son!


Adonis.  =)

Adonis. =)

so as we sat there and ate froyo, michelle complained that she was gettin hungry again….   so we leave the mall and head to the avenue’s for some muthafuckin Coco’s Crawfish. 


thats 1 lb of crawfish, 1 lb of shrimp, hotlinks, and corn in the best garlic butter ever.

thats 1 lb of crawfish, 1 lb of shrimp, hotlinks, and corn in the best garlic butter ever.

did someone say crab?

did someone say crab?


murderized it!

murderized it!

aaaand after all that salty, garlicy, buttery goodness we decided to head to Kowloon Tong to satisfy our sweet tooth. if you dont know, this place is fucking amazing.  whoever had the idea to have a dessert cafe with all the fatty goodness is officially my hero.  


and THAT would be toast, with peanut butter and condensed milk.  GENIUS.

and THAT would be toast, with peanut butter and condensed milk. GENIUS.

what the french toast!  peanut butter french toast.

what the french toast! peanut butter french toast.


waffle - ice cream- fruit sandwich.

waffle - ice cream- fruit sandwich.

brown sugar and hot tofu fa.

brown sugar and hot tofu fa.

and as we went home and sat on my couch wondering when we should watch The Hangover, we realize that i’m out of La Victoria’s famous Orange Sauce.    so we packed the chevy and drove to san jose.  if u dont know what would cause rational people to drive 45 minutes for some sauce..  then educate yourself on this shit! 


super burrito, orange sauce, and orange soda.

super burrito, orange sauce, and orange soda


super carne asada taco with the best orange sauce on the planet

super carne asada taco with the best orange sauce on the planet

and finally, to not waste our trip into san jose, we drove over to santana row to hit up pinkberry.  cuz even tho we had a knock off earlier in the day, it STILL WASNT PINKBERRY. 


strawberry, mango, and mochi on original tart!

strawberry, mango, and mochi on original tart!




and TA-MUTHAFUCKIN-DA.  6 food stops  in the span of 8 hours.   gotta love being friends with fatasses.  =)

hamburger pizza

i head over to California Pizza Kitchen today cuz my homies are working and i dont like paying for food.   anyways,  my friend tells me to get this hamburger pizza.  and i’m kinda skeptical, but i mean, how can u go wrong with hamburger + pizza right?  RIGHT.

this shit is amazing.  whoever thought of putting a hamburger on a pizza is officially my hero.

1 019

1 021

1 020

i know, it looks like lettuce on some bread, but underneathe that lettuce (which was tossed in some yummy sauce that i can’t put my finger on) and the avocado, and the tomato, is hamburger meat, cheese, grilled onions, and bacon. 


p.s. the bacon and avocado were additions, cuz i’m fat.  =)

HEFFERism 101

written 10/08

Current mood: like i havent been fed in a week

“when god was giving away talent, rachel was in line at the buffet.” – hot.sauce

cuz my lifelong aspiration is to be a food critic (seriously this is my CALLING.. how can i be down?) i’ve decided to write a continuous blog series on my favorite foods, restaurants, and recipes. i crave food like a pregnant lady, and eat like an obese man, so i promise you this will be interesting.

currently craving – MALASADAS. if you dont already know what this is, then dear child put your internet savvy to work and google that shit. malasadas are like krispy kreme on crack. a portugese donut that was introduced to me on my first trip to Leonards on Oahu and please believe its always my 2nd stop (Zippy’s being the first) when i touch down in the 808.. i usually get a mix of plain sugar, cinnamon sugar, and custard filled malasadas, and for about $4 for half a dozen of em, it should last u till the end of ur surf lesson.

take me back to – THE HOUSE. on one of our many girls nights out (hereafter reffered to as gno), me and my main hit up this small pan asian spot in north beach. yes, there is never any parking, the place is tiny and noisy, but fuck the sea bass is on point. there was 9 of us out and every one of us had an orgasmic experience… the chilean sea bass, the cod, the salmon roll, the mussels, the angus flat iron w/ mashed (that had mushrooms in it), the dessert… i swear the entire menu is worth the 5 block walk from the parking lot.

let me make – PINEAPPLE CHEESECAKE. one of my specialities (aside from my mooncake which i will NEVER give up the recipe for) is my pineapple cheesecake. stupid easy, and stupid good.. here we go..
1 stick cream cheese
1 egg
1 jar of marshmallow creme
1 8 oz can of crushed pineapple
mix all ingredients on stovetop on low heat until smooth. pour into ready made graham cracker crust and bake in 375 degree oven for 50 minutes. TADA. its a party in ur mouth.

i want to try – TOYOSE. korean food in the sunset, on 45th and Noriega… Tina loopt-ed it one night and had my salivary glands on overdrive. been trying to find the time to go (Kris, Queen, r/s to next friday k?) and i will definitely be giving u guys a play by play on my experience.

until next time. heff away.! and pls feel free to add ur own reviews bc i ALWAYS want to try new shit and hear about your culinary experiences… =)

What The Fat?!

I really dont know how we didnt come up with this sooner.  I mean, we always, always ALWAYS talk about food.   the three of us will lose our panties over a foodgasm and would rather buy  a good pizza than gas.    *sigh*. 

What the Fat?! is our obesession with everything edible.   enjoy. =)

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